My Black Hole Has Been A Very Busy Place

If you all think that I've fallen off the face of the Earth, it's because I have. And then? I just spent the last five minutes reading a blog post by none other than DOOCE. A blog post where she name drops and the best part is she name dropped Kourtney Kardashian and Peter Frampton. To which I can only say that I would be more impressed if you could please have an encounter with James Taylor, whom I'm positive, because of his mellow stage presence, must be a royal bitch backstage. Can you imagine the rage issues that must be buried there?

Now, you're probably all, why the heyll would she be reading DOOCE? And yes, that woman has enough people reading her, she doesn't need my help. And I assure you, it's quite simple. Last week I received an email from someone who was absolutely positive that I had emailed DOOCE herself. Reading the email, I was totally perplexed. So then I went to check it out for myself and let me assure you. There is someone else out there that would rant and rave using such descriptive means as shivs and zombies and I don't even know them!

I was also impressed that someone, anyone, would think that I could pen something so volatile and well crafted. But alas, no. And let me clear the air, I have not emailed DOOCE either.

Well not recently or with malintent. WINK! And yes, I make up my own words all the time. Enjoy.

***

As I told you before I also had the pleasure of meeting (and excuse me while I drop the best name bomb of all) Miss Yvonne from Yo Mama's Blog. And she's everything I hoped she would be. I have low expectations, easy to meet.

She far exceeded them though. And I should have written this sooner so that I could remember all the complete bullshit nonsense we talked about. I recall there was pussy on pedestals and bags of water hanging with pennies in them. And none of that was even slightly made up.

We met at a place where the frozen margarita machine was invented. They tell you this and then they back peddle and say well there was a slushy machine before the margarita machine but we were the first ones to put BOOZE into a slushy! And I'm all, wow, just wow and thank you.

And because of those frozen margaritas in which they put a sangria swirl, oh heyll no, you are not playing fair you margarita nazi's... We started lunch like this:



But look, I'm lying, because do you see all those glasses lined up? Right, we were totally faking it! It took us forever to get a shot where we weren't doing this (and we're not sneezing, swear):



And do you see how pink I am? I am so boozy flushed and had just laughed my ass off so much, it was embarrassing... For everyone else around us. Our waiter was totally bamboozled and mostly walked up right at Miss Yvonne was doing things like yelling pussy or spitting food across the table or I was hand gesturing REALLLLY BIG and about cracked him in the nuts.

Also? I ate a great brisket taco and I'm not even using that as code for something else.

But see, then Miss Yvonne busted out the gifts. And I got all dorked out.



I assure you, you would be that dumbstruck if you had all the crotches of every member of Journey that close to your frozen booze-laden slushy flushy face too.

But seriously? This right here?



Yeah, that was a total jinx!

Miss Yvonne, you and your signs are total jerk faces. You know... if signs had faces. I never saw backstage! Not even close. However, that might be one of the best pictures ever taken of me. Mostly because I'm pointing at the funbags with a total look of glee on my face. Oh and because she's a really good photographer. Whatever!

***

I also have had the pleasure of helping a fellow blogger get a new look.

I hope she loves it! She was a pleasure to work with.

So there you go. I've been very, very busy people. Not-penning manifesto like emails to DOOCE (all caps!), posing with photoshopped righteousness glued to paint sticks and prettying up the internet.

I'm pooped.