I Don't Know If You've Heard, But My Job Is Kind of Scarce These Days

I just wrote the longest post I've wrote (I'm changing this to written and in my mind going "WTF is wrong with me", but want you to see what a grammatical jerk I am right now) in a long time, but it wasn't here. It was at my other blog.

Mostly? I don't feel like writing about my job and possible lack thereof all over again. And really? Cutting and pasting it just what a chump would do.

And while I mostly try to own my chumpness, I'm going to save you from it. Me and my chumpness that is and just allow you to either skip it or go here to read all about it.

This has given me a really good excuse to use the word chump repeatedly. Because like so many other good terms from the 80's, that one has gone to the wayside, like jive turkey. Which, I'm mostly sure, is a synonym for chump.

Speaking of the 80's, SYFY (so stupid SciFi, really) has been showing the original V mini-series in a marathon the last few days and there is nothing chumpish or jive turkey like about that shit.

And now? A very "special" Christmas post

Today I am stuffed full of Kansas City barbecue goodness and it feels like the kick off to the holiday season for me, because I'm THAT full. In arranging to feed my office, I may have also picked up a huge pumpkin pie and chocolate cake to get a jump start on the over-eating that is up ahead us. Combine that with the pumpkin bread I made last night and I'm almost ready to jump into the spirit of the season head first.

Almost.

All of this leads me to our annual holiday card. I started thinking of ideas for our card this year and realized we didn't do a picture card last year. In looking through the pictures I took for the card last year I see why. I really had little to work with.

First? Fail.



Then? Double fail.



Oooh, look. Half-way there.



And, um, no.



Thinking back to the year before that, I did pictures of the kids as gifts and it took about 50 shots to get one workable shot.

Jason is going to dig out the Christmas stuff this weekend so we can have our photo shoot.

Wish me luck. Because, as you can see, I need it. Bad.

In the meantime, I'm in love with this video. Researching hair colors brought me to it.

Don't ask. Just enjoy.

I wrote a whole post about poop and I thought who would like it better than you guys?

No seriously. A whole post about poop. And there are even pictures. None of which are of poop.

So, you know, enjoy.

The Walking Dead

Contrary to popular belief I have not, in fact, been bludgeoned, shoved into the trunk of a car, driven out into the woods and dumped into a deep hole in the ground wrapped in a bloody sheet.

It's just not true.

See? Here I am typing. Rigor mortis would never let me type this freely.

So what exactly have I been up to?

That is a really good question and if you think you came up with that one all by your little self, you are dead wrong. Hence my "contrary to popular belief" opener.

Truth is, I got sick to death of the internet. After two solid years of blogging, I was just over it.

I didn't want to write another post, tweet another tweet or design another blog header.

I was tired of everything I created being made with the help of a keyboard and a mouse. I didn't want to spend one more evening with my laptop, caring what faceless people were doing.

So I put my hands on the canvas and paintbrushes that were dormant in my closet. I pulled out the piles of fabric that lay untouched. And? I taught myself to knit.

And did you know that there is relatively no drama involved in any of that, but a tremendous sense of self and accomplishment.

Yeah, weird, huh?

So what did I do? I created another blog. This time I'm doing it along with my husband because the two of us are never idle. There is always music to be made, things to be painted, old crap to be thrifted and projects to be created.

I hope you enjoy.

Chance are, you'll probably be bored. And I'm fine with that.

Jenny Lawson Wants To Sleep With My Husband Or She Wants Me To Perform A Prison Style Shanking For Her, Either Way I'm Fine

The other day I noticed that my husband had tweeted something about how he didn't understand why everyone would hate The Bloggess. I was a little perplexed and told him that was ridiculous, who would hate her? But then she responded:



Moments later I get this in my inbox:



So I DM'd the mister and told him she was following me all of the sudden and he said "I told her that you like to shank people." Totally true and fair enough. But I was onto her (click to read):



And then she was quiet.

Until today:




If my husband comes home smelling like Crazy and Wolverines, I'm going to be very upset. However, if this is just a ploy to get to me and my shanking abilities, well... All you had to do was ask because I won't hesitate to cut a bitch.

Okay, that's a lie. I totally hesitate, every time, but that is just so I make sure I hit a major organ.

If you're going to do it, do it right.

All of this really happened, except for the part where she wants to sleep with my husband, I made that part up. However, I know the rest of you do. I'm onto you.

Patrick Swayze May Not Be Kicking Ass In Tight Pants Anymore, But I Can Still Be Picky

When the mister and I were at lunch today we overheard a news story about someone being held hostage for 18 years. And he was all, "how can you be held hostage for 18 years"?

And that's when I said, "Easy, I've held you hostage for the last five. You call it marriage, I call it "hostage negotiation."

He laughed so he didn't believe me, but I have terms if anyone wants to hear them. My "husband" is being held hostage until at least one of the following things happens:

This man gets his own show:



or


They bring this show back with Sam still traveling:



or finally:



That's right, somebody needs to reanimate at least half of this picture and put a zombie ass Airwolf on the air. Mostly because there is nothing wrong with a reanimated Ernest Borgnine that I can figure out.

I feel the way you are looking at me and I don't know WHAT your problem is.

Oh and he's not REALLY being held hostage. I think he likes it here and the idea of these shows being on the air.

Also? There are not enough shows with eye patches these days.


***

I kind of think they missed the real opportunity with the movie Roadhouse, because Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot wearing tight pants and kicking beer bottles out of ruffians hands was legendary.

If they just added a bearded Kenny Loggins to the crime fighting team we would have had the BEST action hero trio in history.



PS: Evidently I have to clarify, just because Ernest Borgnine is alive doesn't mean he doesn't need to be reanimated. Plus? Who wants to spell out Jan Micheal Vincent all the time? I have to use this joke more than once, you know.

Team Jake Needs To Kick Team Eddie's AZZ, I'm All Team Louis and Can't Believe I'm Even Bothering...

Friday afternoon, I picked up my daughter's copy of "Twilight". Yes, I wanted to beat myself with the book.

And, two days later, I finished off the second book "New Moon".

My thoughts: